Like most music critics, I am largely apathetic about what is popular, but even I had to take notice that “Bad Guy” was a good song, and this is one of those rare times when I fully understand why a song blew up in the mainstream.
For a long time, pop musician’s have made a very serious effort to come across as bad asses. This ties back to the rebel spirit that most rock stars of the past successful personified, mostly by being legitimately bad ass at what they did. Modern attempts to come across as provocative usually fall flat and comes across as very artificial, typically because they are. Like we all know most of these musicians are not tough guys. Then this seventeen-year-old girl comes out nowhere and perfectly captures this attitude in her first mainstream hit.
Eilish nailed it. She perfectly came across as an unpredictable troublemaker in her song “Bad Guy.” Someone who would unapologetically burn your house down. There is a line about seducing your dad, which is something a out control bad person would try to do. So, either this young girl understands this archetype perfectly, or she is a genius edge lord.
Either way, respect.
This review is not “Bad Guy.” I like that song, but I have nothing more to say about it then what I said just now. Others have better reviews then anything I could contribute here. No, this review is about Billie Eilish’s song “Everything I Wanted.”
I like “Bad Guy,” but I really like “Everything I Wanted.”
The first time I heard “Everything I Wanted” I was watching a live performance of the song a friend had posted on Facebook. To my friends on Facebook, if you post a song, I almost always listen to it, I almost never comment, but I almost always listen. While I listened to this concert video, it took me a moment to realize this was the same young woman who gave us “Bad Guy.” I recognized her mumbling voice right away, but I did not make the connection until about a minute and a half in.
Even though the sound and style are similar enough a good ear can tell it is the same person, the mood and theme of “Everything I Wanted” is so different from “Bad Guy” that I struggled to accept it was the same artist initially. Variety is important, so this is a very promising sign from a new artist.
“Everything I Wanted” is a heavy song. The first take away I had while listening to it, was Eilish accepting her sudden fame; need I remind you, she was seventeen when she became a pop music icon, and even then, her fame was created very quickly. Eilish did not have any time to get used to being a celebrity, it happened all at once. She got everything she wanted; number one hit song, just like that; and having your life play out that like, is sort of messed up.
During my first listen, I was not paying great attention, I was working on something, as is almost always the case, so I thought it was another song about a young artist grappling with the reality of their unexpected fame. It was a really good song about unexpected fame, but that topic I have heard before.
Time goes by. My apathetic mind gets another listen, and I pick up on something I barely noticed the first time; this song is about dreams. Not just metaphorical dreams, like hopes and dreams, but also while you sleep dreams.
Turns out Eilish is a very vivid dreamer, and “Everything I Wanted” descriptions a surreal fiction she visited in a dream. One of the weird things about dreams, is that they do not seem strange until you wake up. So little details of anti-reality are just accepted, hence the confusing and almost detached nature of the experience of “Everything I Wanted.” Marrying this topic with the first, dreams and fame, her strange reality spills over into her sleeping dreams, and everything she ever wanted in her dreams, has spilled over into reality. And that’s a unique situation to find herself in.
The opening lyrics introduces all of this:
“I had a dream,
I got everything I wanted.
Not what you'd think,
And if I'm being honest.
It might've been a nightmare.
To anyone who might care.”
At this point, I am starting to pay attention.
Upon listening a third time and paying closer attention to what Eilish is singing, I cannot ignore the next line about jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge; or how she puts it:
“Thought I could fly,
So I stepped off the Golden,
Nobody cried,
Nobody even noticed.
I saw them standing right there,
Kind of thought they might care”
From this we can easily see the third subject matter is suicide.
I get it. A person does not need to be mentally unwell to be haunted by a suicidal thought. The world can be very overwhelming at times, and sometimes a cool easy exit seems like an acceptable option. Given our previous two subject matters in this song, I think it is easy to empathize with Eilish. She is overwhelmed by her sudden celebrity, and being a very vivid dreamer, her literal dream became a nightmare. Since dreams are really just your imagination running a muck, it follows that her figurative dream, as in “Everything She Wanted” could become a nightmare.
This song is getting deep, and we are not done yet.
Around the fourth time I listened to “Everything I Wanted” the wide range of wild emotions really started to sand out. Understandably, Eilish is feeling torn in multiple directions. She is happy that she got everything she wanted, but naturally it is not what was expected. The attention for her talent is surely flattering, but she is worried it might go to her head, and just how quickly could positive praise transform into cruel commentary? Now with her success there is pressure upon her to produce more big hits, or least equally good music. Most of all she seems highly concerned that everyone, her fans and supporters, might hate her if they knew how she really felt.
This is all very complicated, but the interesting matter of fact, is that this sort of anxiety and worry is pretty normal. The only difference is Eilish is experiencing it in a highly amplified way. Also, I like to reiterate, she is, currently, still an eighteen-year-old kid. She is living some of the most impressionable years of her life. Considering everything, I think her disposition is highly mature. She is worried about far more then just her perceived image as an artist, she is worried about her own self identity and her responsibilities.
From a few interviews I happened across it seems like Eilish can barely explain what “Everything I Wanted” is fully about. Which makes senses, she laid bare a lot of raw emotions which she herself is still trying to figure out; she describes a dream which haunts her which she is still trying to make sense of. Everyone goes through a phase of important self discovery in their earlier years and I think we are witnessing Eilish’s live through this in real time in “Everything I Wanted.”
The last theme to note, is the bond between Billie and her brother. The music video makes this very obvious. The supporting words of encouragement in the songs is directly referencing him I believe. Possibly actual words he said to his sister.
“And you say, ‘As long as I'm here,
No one can hurt you.
Don't want to lie here,
But you can learn to.
If I could change,
The way that you see yourself,
You wouldn't wonder why you hear,
They don't deserve you.’”
So that’s nice.
“Everything I Wanted” is a highly personal song for Eilish but with the multiple angles from which to appreciate it, it is relatable to a wide range of listeners. For me “Everything I Wanted” struck a personal note, as I am very vivid dreamer, and I can fully understand how a dream can float around in your mind for days, months, even years. That and the whispered words of support “they don’t deserve you,” meant something to me.
People like it when you are topical, and I do not talk about pop songs very often.
Until next month, keep on rocking the free world.
- King of Braves
Until next month, keep on rocking the free world.
- King of Braves
