The movie opens with the “If you want blood you got it” concert and ACDC is rocking the house. We get a nice backstage scene with the group all hanging out and having a good time, and then cuts to sad news reports about the tragic death of Bon Scott and how the world’s most rocking, rock group is no more.
Then we cut to outer space. Aliens are waging a huge intergalactic war. The good guys are mostly super sexy babes, with the only exception being their high general who will hopefully played by Alice Cooper. These good aliens will discuss how they are going to stop the evil aliens. The evil aliens will all be generic stereotypes of evil conformed corporate culture business men, faceless men in suits and ties, all wearing whatever happens to be the most common hair cut at the time, you know the one, the everybody haircut. The leader of the evil aliens will be a big ominous featureless face on a computer screen constantly talking about the good of the all powerful dollar. This scene will serve pretty much as our only plot device, as the good aliens will explain how the spirit of rock and roll powers their secret weapon; the more absurd the explanation the better. The high general will then send three super sexy babes to earth to find the super human rock gods known as ACDC!
Meanwhile back on earth the Angus brothers and Cliff Williams discuss what they are going to do with their lives since their lead singer and friend Bon Scott is now passed. Now our three super sexy alien babes show up and explain to ACDC why they are needed in outer space to power the secret weapon to stop the evil aliens from destroying all emotion and creativity, or something like that. All hope will seem lost when ACDC explains they cannot help since the loss of their close friend Bon Scott.
For one moment we will actually introduce a slight sense of realism and have an overdramatic version of what kind of happened in real life. Bon Scott’s father will tell our heroes that they need to find another, as Bon Scott would have wanted it that why. Of course in real life hot alien babes probably weren’t there to witness it.
With the help of our sexy entourages from space, ACDC will eventually find the great Brian Johnson, who is the only other man on earth who can rock as much as Bon Scott. We should probably have some bogus technology the girls will use to track down and “measure” Brian Johnson’s rockability. “It’s over 9000!” You know something like that.
Having found the chosen one our heroes rush to outer space and are attacked by the evil aliens before they can rendezvous with Alice Cooper’s battleship, but ACDC will use the power of Rock to freak out the corporate culture aliens and escape safely.
The evil aliens prepare to attack earth but with ACDC together again they power up the super cannon with rock and roll and start destroy the evil alien’s main fleet. It will go back and forth between ACDC and the good aliens destroying the evil aliens, and the evil aliens bombing earth and destroying the good alien’s vast fleet. Explosions everywhere while ACDC plays some of their classic tunes.
After about a half hour of explosions it will start to seem hopeless because the enemy simply out number our heroes far too much. Brian Johnson will then have some absurd speech about the true spirit of rock and roll, people all over the world will be gathering in the streets cheering for ACDC.
“For those about to rock” starts to play and all of a sudden the combined force of ACDC and all of humanity cheering them on has an effect on the aliens. Their faceless faces begin to melt off revealing unique human beings underneath. They start wearing torn jeans and leather jackets and their hair will unexplainably grow long into badass rock and roll hair dos. For this is the true power of rock!
The now turned rock and roll aliens turn their battle ships around and start firing upon the giant evil alien mother ship. The face on a giant computer screen on board the main alien ship will be screaming about MTV awards, top 40 hits lists, and sales charts, as it screams in agony and then dies in a huge explosion just as “For those about to rock” ends. For effect the mother ship should probably explode into money.
“Ride on” plays quietly in the back ground while our heroes are celebrating by the aliens and all of earth. To end on a lame, but fun note someone will ask ACDC,
“You saved the universe; you are earth’s greatest heroes! What can we ever do to repay you?” to which Brian Johnson will respond, “Let there be Rock!”
“Let there be rock” plays and the credits roll.
You'd go see the ACDC save the universe movie, you know you would.
Until next month, keep on rocking in the free world.
- Colin Kelly